The self-respect (Suyamariathai) marriage is one of the aspects of the Self-Respect movement which is held without the presence of a priest or brahmin. Generally a Hindu marriage is solemnised by a brahmin priest. The concept is brought to create a society where each and every person can feel a sense of equality. It teaches people that everyone should have an equal right to human decency. It aims to create equality between the bride and the groom. The marriage does away with the patriarchal customs like dowry or tying the thaali.
The Self-Respect Movement, also known as Dravidian movement, was initiated by E.V. Ramaswamy in 1925. The movement was founded by S. Ramanathan and he was the one who invited E.V. Ramaswamy to inaugurate the movement. Popularly known as Periyar, Ramaswamy was a social activist, politician and a philosophical thinker way ahead of its time. He had been vocal about his support for feminism and atheism. He also rejected the concept of caste in the society. Self-Respect Movement was initiated in Tamil Nadu against Brahmanism. It gained momentum within a short period of time. Aryan-Brahmanism introduced casteism in South India and as a result Brahmins used to enjoy superior powers in the colonial period of India. They dominated most of the public spheres like education, public service and politics as 90% of the brahmin population was literate as compared to the non brahmins, whose literate population was only 4%. This scenario was opposed by the leaders of the Dravidian movement and hence, the Self Respect Movement was started.
The movement is based on the principles of equality for everyone. It focuses on one's self-respect, which is the right of every human being, irrespective of gender and race and it encourages people to have self-respect in a caste-based society.
Practice of dowry was considered to be a result of traditional marriages by Periyar; and the marriages turned out to be mere financial arrangements which led to a huge debt to the bride's family. So, the Self-Respect Marriage system, which replaced the conventional marriage system, came to be one of the aspects of the Self-Respect Movement. As the so called 'lower castes' were being treated with huge disparity by people of the upper castes, the leader of the movement decided to have marriage without any brahmin priest. They also believed that the usage of Sanskrit chants during saat phere was illogical as no one could understand their meaning. So, the social activists decided to conduct weddings without any priests. It also shunned the whole process of saptapadi, mangalsutra (optional)and holy fire. Tamil Naidu was the first state to legalise the Self-Respect Marriage system. It also promotes inter-caste and inter-religious marriages.
Dismissing the customary rites and rituals, Self-Respect Marriages follow quite a simple procedure. The couples have to exchange the vows, that accept both partners with equality, in the presence of their closed people like family and friends. The language used for vows should be understood by everyone. Couples may exchange either garlands or rings to complete this ceremony. This will be treated as a valid marriage. Self-Respect Marriages turn down the idea of unnecessary rituals which treat a woman as a subordinate to her husband. Also, this system eschews saat phere and holy fire. This has led to a surge in love marriages, which are not bound by any caste, thus replacing arranged marriages.
The first Self-Respect Marriage was devoid of any Hindu ritual. Kuthoosi Gurusamy, a Self-Respect Movement writer and Kunjidham, a prominent leader in the movement, were the first couple to get married according to the Self-Respect Marriage system. They married during the movement on December 9, 1929 in the presence of Periyar.
Conducting Hindu marriages without the presence of priests was first legalised by the Tamil Nadu Government in 1967. After winning the assembly election of Madras, the founder of DMK party, CN Annadurai signed the first file as a CM which legalised Self-Respect Marriages. The use of thaali/mangalsutra was made optional under the draft for the same. This was put into effect as Hindu Marriage (Madras Amendment) Act, 1967. Section 7A was introduced under this act which legalised Surya Mariyathai (Self-Respect) Marriage if performed in the presence of family, friends, and others by exchanging garlands or ring or tying mangalsutra. Couples can also get married by a declaration of accepting each other as spouse in a language understood by both parties. On November 27, 1967 the law was passed in the Tamil Nadu assembly and it was approved by the then President on January 10, 1968.
Although the big fat wedding in Indian culture is a common tradition, the Self-Respect Marriage has an edge over the conventional ceremony. Advantages of Self-Respect Marriages are such:
This revolutionary system of marriage has no room for discrimination. Traditional Hindu marriage practises do not allow individuals of different castes to get married. This creates a sense of inequality in our society. People have been oppressed in India based on their caste and this system refuses the idea of caste-based society. It gives people the liberty to choose any person whom they love without concerns about their caste. This led to the development of inter-caste marriage.
For starters, honour killing is a murder of an individual by its family member or an outsider to protect their supposed family dignity and honour. Many couples going for inter-caste marriage against their parents' will are killed by their family or any social group. It is an indisputable fact that there is no honour in killing. This is a heinous crime which needs to be condemned and Self-Respect Marriage aims to do exactly that. It does not discriminate against individuals on the basis of caste thereby decreasing the number of cases of honour killing.
As the Self-Respect Marriage allows people to choose their mate without any hindrance of caste system, people often end up going for a love marriage instead of the arranged marriage, where families look for a person of their own caste.
Widow marriage is still considered a taboo in our society. But this 20th century marriage system allows the remarriage of widows. Women in those days were married at a young age and when they grew up many would lose their much older husbands. At that time, considering a remarriage was met with a backlash by society and some priests refused to conduct their marriages. Self-Respect Marriages normalise the remarriage of any widow and as it does not require the presence of any priests so the latter problem is already solved. This system therefore favoured feminism during a time when the term was also not known to anyone.
The Self-Respect Marriage is a slap in the face of patriarchy. The system gives basic rights to women like freedom to choose their partners and remarriage. Women are not treated as an object in the marriage as practices or rituals which do that are absent from the Self-Respect Marriages. According to this marriage, men are supposed to treat women with respect and not as an object. This becomes an important step towards a society where everyone is treated with equality. The practice of dowry is also abolished by Self-Respect Marriages.
Indian weddings have become a way of showing off someone's wealth. Oftentimes, people are forced to spend more than their capability for the wedding due to society's expectations. Rituals followed in a typical Hindu marriage are usually blind adherence practices which have been practised from the ancient times. As Self-Respect Marriage doesn't follow such meaningless rituals of the Hindu wedding, it turns out to be economic for people. It does not even need any venue or priest, so it will cost almost nothing as compared to traditional weddings.
Furthermore the marriage follows a simple ritual which makes it convenient for everyone. With no extra fuss around marriage preparations, this will make the wedding like any other day in anyone's life.
At present many couples are preferring Self-Respect Marriages in Tamil Nadu. Initially the concept was seen with distrust but with leaders like Periyar supporting the system it got accepted by masses. Now, Seerthirutha Kalyanam is a common wedding system in Tamil Nadu. In 2018, the first Self-Respect Marriage for transsexuals was performed. Their relatives and close friends whole-heartedly welcomed this decision.
People from other states are also demanding to legalize Self-Respect Marriages in the whole country as the bond of people throughout the country will become strong without any barriers such as caste or community. People are also trying to understand the meaning of the rituals in a wedding and they are skipping the ones which are meaningless to them. Today's generation is questioning every tradition that has been going on for years.
The concept of Self-Respect Marriage teaches us that love is above all. People should be given freedom to live their life on their own terms. Marriage, which is an important part of a person's life, should be the decision of that particular individual. There must not be any factors influencing the decisions of the individual. If Self-Respect Marriage is implemented in the entire country, many problems with inequality will be resolved. Discrimation on the basis of gender and caste should not be given any encouragement, instead people should treat everyone with equality. Also, couples should be the ones who get to decide the kind of ceremony they want to go ahead with. Encouraging their decisions would be a huge step towards a society where equality is supreme. The Self-Respect Marriage is about the celebration of love between two people regardless of anything, so only supporting it can lead to big changes and shift in the mentality of people.
