Indian understanding of Christian weddings is largely based on their depiction in Hollywood movies and some Bollywood movies as well. The pre wedding rehearsal, the bride's father walking the bride down the aisle and giving over the bride's hand to the groom, the bridesmaids and groomsmen standing along the groom and bride's side waiting for the 'I Dos' and the final "Till Death Do Us Apart', are few of the many things that come to our fancy whe we think about Christian weddings. But is this really true for Indian Christian Weddings? Who even are India Christians? How are their weddings different from the Western Weddings? These are some of the questions that may perplex us. While a lot of Indian women dream of having a Christian style wedding, full with the beautiful White gown, and the flower girl welcoming the bride, a real Indian Christian wedding is far from the depictions made in English movies. If you are someone who has always fantasized about witnessing a Christian wedding, or you think that you want know more about the inner goings of a Christian wedding, this blog is for you.
India is a country that boasts of a vast variety of cultures, languages, traditions, religions and communities. With the multiplicity of cultures, it is interesting to understand just how varied the rites and rituals of different communities are. Weddings are very important culture specific occasions for every community. No two weddings are the same even within the same community, leave alone the myriad of communities we see in India. While most often one can find many blogs on Hindu, Punjabi and Muslim wedding rituals, one of the communities that is missing from the archive of Indian wedding bloggers, is the Christian community. Though a minority in India, the community is spread across many regions of India including the states of Kerala, Goa, Karnataka, Nagaland, Mizoram Meghalaya, Manipur, Arunachal Pradesh, Assam, Tripura, Andhra Pradesh, Tamil Nadu, and Andaman Nicobar Islands. Even within the broader religious community of Christians there are over 42 sub communities. Comprising upto 2.30% of the Indian population, the Christian community has their own set of traditions and customs, particularly when it comes to the realm of weddings. Amongst the 42 large sub groups of Christians that exist in the subcontinent of India, Syrian Christians makeup for an ethno-religious community in the state of Kerala. Among the first Indian communities to convert to Christianity, Syrian Christians comprise a combination of culture that is derived from the various traditions of East Syriac, West Syriac, Hindu, Jewish, and Latin Rite communities. The Syrian Christians are further divided into various denominations, amongst which the Syrian Catholics make up for a large number of Kerala inhabitants. The wedding rituals of the Syrian Catholic community are very distinct, and follow a combination of Indian traditional customs of the Malayalis and the customs of the Catholic church. It would be interesting to see what makes up for a traditional Syrian Catholic Wedding, and how different it really is from what we make of Christian weddings, from their depictions in Western Cinema.
Just like every other wedding, Syrian Catholic Weddings too have distinct pre-wedding, wedding and post wedding rituals and customs. Let's check out what these rituals are.
The Pre wedding rituals of a wedding comprise of all the little ceremonies and events that lead up the wedding day. Ranging from the fixing of the marriage till the night before the wedding, there are various rituals that make up for the Pre-wedding events.
The Syrian Catholics are very traditional and orthodox when it comes to finding a match for their children. Though there may be few families here and there who have given into the modern trend of love marriages, most Syrian Catholics go in for the good old method of fixing up an arranged marriage. Being extremely particular about having intra community weddings, the parents of the would-be brides and grooms take out advertisements in local newspapers specifying the details of their children's profile along with the community and religious specifications. Some of the most common matrimonials used among Syrian Catholics as Chavara Matrimony and M4Marry.com. These forums are very particular about Christian matrimony, and particularly cater to the Christian families of the state of Kerala. Once the families find a match through these means, the bride's father fixes a date with the groom's father, on which the groom's family can come to see the bride, at the bride's home.
Literally meaning ‘Bride Seeing/ showing" , PennuKaanal is the official meeting in which the groom's family takes the first look at the prospective bride. A small high tea is organized at the girl's house, while the groom's family gets acquainted with the bride's family. During this meeting the Bride and Groom are given some alone time to learn about one another.
Once the PennuKaanal is complete, and the groom's family expresses a positive interest in the girl, the bride's family is then invited to the Groom's house on another day, so they too can get acquainted with the groom's background. The elder members of the bride's family go to see the groom's place of residence, and their standard of living, on the basis of which they decide whether they want to say yes to the match or not. Once both the sides have checked each other's backgrounds to their heart's content, a verbal agreement is made that the match has been fixed.
After the match has been fixed a small function is organized at the groom's place. This function entails a gathering of the close family members of the bride and groom , who come together to finalize the dates of the engagement and the wedding ceremony. This was traditionally a small ceremony, in which the brides were not allowed to be a part, as it was considered that the bride does not go to the groom's house before the wedding. But, nowadays, people celebrate this ceremony on a large scale, and even the bride attends the ceremony. Before the dates of the engagement and the wedding are finalized, the family priest, or the priest of the Groom's Parish, conducts a small prayer. This is followed by the fixing of dates.
The next grand pre wedding event is the attendance of the Marriage Training Course. Among the Syrian Catholics, a great deal of importance is given to the proper mariage training of the couple before marriage, so that they can lead a happy ‘Christian' family life after marriage. The registration for the course may commence before or after the match is fixed. Basically once it is final that the individuals are planning to get married, they must take this course as soon as possible. The wedding ceremony cannot be completed without the completion of this course, as a certificate of course completion by both the bride and the groom needs to be submitted to the church, in order to get the final sanction of marriage. The would-be- bride and groom attend the courses separately. Particular churches in the area offer these courses. The courses require the individuals to stay in the premises of the Church for 3-5 days, while the training takes place. During the course, the individuals are taught about the importance of family, the legal aspects of a Christian marriage, Sexuality and its Christian understanding, and methods of parenting. Among the Christians children are considered to be gifts of god, and sexuality is the tool that must be used to give birth to those gifts. Thus amongst Christians, the sexual aspect of marriage is focussed on procreation , rather than recreation and pleasure. Once the individuals receive their course completion certificate, they can go ahead with the other pre wedding rituals.
Once, the dates for the engagement and wedding are finalized, the groom's family along with the bride's family go together, to purchase all the necessary garments and jewellery for the wedding ceremonies. The expenses for all the wedding purchases are to be borne by the bride's family. The groom's family only spends their money purchasing the Taali (Malayali mangalsutra) and the ManthraKodi Saree (gifted to the bride by the groom's family once the wedding ceremony is complete).
The next big pre-wedding event is the engagement ceremony. Traditionally known as the Betrothal ceremony, this event takes place at the bride's Parish. Before leaving for the church, a small prayer is held in the bride's place, by the family priest, and the couple seeks the elder's blessings. After the commencement of the prayers, the couple moves towards the bride's family Parish. Since this event is hosted by the bride's family, a large number of guests from the bride's family are present at this event. The number of guests from the groom's family are comparatively less in this event. First the priest asks the would-be-couple, if they both are ok with the match. Once the individuals give their confirmation of acceptance of each other as their future partners, 2 witnesses from both sides are invited to sign an engagement certificate. The witnesses along with the bride and the groom sign the certificate, and the engagement is thus considered to be registered. The Vicar of the Parish is supposed to write a letter to the church seeking permission for the commencement of the engagement. This whole ceremony is completed within 15 minutes. This formal ceremony is followed by a lunch or dinner, depending on the time of the day that the engagement ceremony takes place. This usually happens at the Parish Hall. After taking their meals, all the guests visit the bride's house for a small tea party. During this event the extended family of the groom, who are attending the engagement, analyze the family background of the bride, by looking at her family residence. After this ceremonial inspection, the guests leave the bride's home.
On the Sunday nearest to the date of the engagement, the priests of the bride and groom's Parishes are supposed to announce the upcoming nuptials of the two individuals. This announcement is supposed to be made during the Holy Mass. Though traditionally this announcement had to be made thrice, on three consecutive Sundays between the engagement and the wedding, now people have reduced it to just one day, to shorten the gap between the two events. The announcement is a form of invitation from people to object if they wish to stop the wedding. Traditionally the ceremony was performed, so that if there were individuals who did not agree to the match, they would have the chance to make their case and stop the wedding. Nowadays, it's only done for the sake of formality, and is considered to be a way of publicly announcing the betrothal of a particular couple.
This is another traditional custom that needs to be performed before the wedding. This ritual is performed on the night before the wedding ceremony. Traditionally done separately at the residences of the bride and groom, these days, many people do a combined MadhuramVeppu for the couple. Many modern couples perform this ceremony on the evening of the engagement ceremony too. The word Madhuram Veppu literally means ‘giving sweets'. The event begins with the evening prayers. After the prayers are complete the bride is made to sit on a stage or on a chair. A platter of sweets/ desserts/ fruits is placed in front of her on a table. This ritual is performed by an elder married couple relative of the bride. This could be her Godparents, or her older brother and his wife, or her maternal uncle and his wife. The couple is supposed to announce to the guests that they have gathered there to celebrate the MadhuramVeppu of the bride. After this they ask the guests if they can feed the sweets to the bride. This is done thrice. On the first two attempts the guests say no, and in the third attempt they finally agree to the feeding of the sweets. After this the elder married couple feeds the sweets to the bride and give her their blessings. After this each elder member who attends the event is supposed to feed the bride with sweets and give her their blessings. The younger members too can wish her luck and feed her. During this ceremony, the elder family members gift gold jewellery and ornaments to the bride. The whole ceremony is performed similarly in the groom's house as well, keeping the groom at the centre. Nowadays, after the MadhuramVeppu is complete, millennial brides celebrate the hindu custom of haldi in their homes. Though they do not follow the ritualistic aspects of the custom, they wear yellow attires, decorate their homes with yellow themed decors and also apply haldi paste on the bride. It makes for a fun celebration.
Once the MadhuramVeppu is complete at the groom's place another ritual takes place. The bride is supposed to wear two sarees on her wedding day, a white saree ( sometimes a white dress is worn by the modern brides)for the wedding ceremony and a coloured saree for the reception event. This coloured saree is known as Manthrakodi Saree, which is gifted to her by the groom's family along with her Taali. The ManthraKodi saree's pallu is plucked out. 6 threads from the pallu are pulled out. These comprise 5 coloured and one gold thread. The 6 threads are then joined together to form one single thick thread. The threads are glued together with a paste of cooked rice. Then the pendant of the Taali is put through this thread. A basket is organized for gifting the bride on the wedding day. The basket comprises the ManthraKodi Saree, the threaded Taali pendant and a gold chain for the Taali pendant. If no ring exchange has taken place during the engagement ceremony (which is usually the trend), then two gold rings with name inscriptions are also placed in the basket, along with two Rosaries.
Once all the pre wedding rituals are complete, it is finally time to commence the wedding day rituals.
The wedding day ceremony, like most other ceremonies, begins with a small prayer that takes place at both the bride and groom's homes. Their family priest organizes this prayer after which the individuals seek the blessings of their elders and proceed to the church. The wedding ceremony takes place in the groom's family Parish or church. Usually most of the groom's extended family and guests are invited to this function, whereas only limited members of the bride's family go to attend the wedding rituals. The Basket prepared by the groom's family on the previous night is kept on a table near the altar, along with two chairs, for the couple. Once the couple arrives at the church, and all the guests are seated in the hall, a two hour Wedding mass begins. The wedding mass is similar to the regular holy mass that happens every Sunday, with the exception that the sermons read out during this mass are wedding specific. The Priest performs some wedding specific prayers along with the sermons. Once the sermon reading is complete, the priest asks the couple if they are willing to take one another as their lawfully wedded husband/wife. Once the couple say their I Dos, the priest takes the Taali from the basket and brings it near the bride's neck. While an elder relative of the groom, picks up the bride's veil, the groom ties the threaded Taali around the bride's neck. After this the priest hands over the golden chain to the groom, which too is put around the bride's neck by the groom. The inscribed rings are then handed over to the couple. The bride slides the ring with her name on the groom's finger, and the groom slide's the ring with his name on the bride's finger. Then the priest takes the ManthraKodi saree and opens it slightly. He then hands it over to the groom, who neatly places the saree over the bride's head. In some cases the brides may go down on their knees when this ceremony is being performed. Then the bride continues to hold the saree over her head. The priest hands over one Rosary each to the bride and groom. Then the bride and the groom are asked to place their right hands on the Bible and take a pledge. Once these activities have commenced, the priest goes back to conducting the regular mass. The bride takes the saree off of her head. The relative who helped with the veil, takes the saree and places it on the bride's left forearm. The mass ends as the couple seeks the blessings from the elders, and the wedding photography can then take place.
Once the wedding mass is complete 2 witnesses from both sides are called and they, along with the bride and groom, sign the official register, thus making their marriage legal by religion and by law. This concludes the wedding ceremony and the couple and the guests can now move forward to take the lunch or dinner, as per the time of the ceremony.
Once the holy process of the wedding ceremony is complete, in the ritualistic manner of the Catholic church, other post wedding rituals and festivities can be started.
The Wedding reception is the lunch or dinner party that happens right after the wedding ceremony is complete. This usually takes place in a nearby Parish Hall or Church Hall. Often the bride enters the reception event having changed from the white saree/ dress worn in the church ceremony, into the colourful ManthraKodi saree. After the wedding ceremony the guests directly go to the hall. Then the bride and groom are welcomed on the stage, and they are accompanied by their parents, godparents and siblings. On one side of the stage, the cake is placed, while on the other side, a three layered lamp, or three candles are placed. The bride and groom together light one candle/ layer of the lamp, and the parents of the bride and groom do the same with the second and the third candle/ layer of the lamp. Then the couple cuts the cake and feeds it to one another. The stage also holds a table with wine and drinks placed on it. A ritual similar to the Madhuram Veppu takes place, but this time instead of the fruits, the godparents make the couple drink the wine/ drinks that are kept on the table. After these rituals are complete, everyone enjoys their meal.
Once the reception meal is complete, the bride and the groom proceed towards the groom's house. All the close family members and close guests accompany the couple to the groom's house. The mother in law of the bride welcomes the couple by symbolically drawing an imaginary cross on the bride's forehead using a Rosary. Similarly a cross is drawn on the groom's forehead. Then the Rosary is put around the bride's neck. Then the bride is handed a lit candle or lamp, and she enters the threshold of the house, by stepping in with her right foot first.The newly weds are then seated on the sofa and given cups of warm milk to consume. This is followed by a small tea party amongst the guests, followed by a small prayer. The couple then seeks the blessings from all the elders.
After this the bride's mother places the bride's hand and places it in the groom's mother's hand. In exchange for this, the groom gives a saree to the bride's mother, which is known as Ammayiamma Kaccha (mother in law's cloth). The bride's mother then gives a gold chain or ring to the groom. After this the bride's family leaves the groom's place.
Traditionally after the bride's family returned back to their home, the couple too used to go to the bride's place to spend their first night. They would usually return from there after 4 days. In the meanwhile, the bride's family was supposed to gift a huge almirah to the groom's family, before the couple returned back home. This almirah was seen as a status symbol, and usually neighbours would come to see what type of almirah had been brought by the bride. Nowadays, due to long distances, the first night takes place in the house of the groom itself.
With the return of the couple from the bride's home to the groom's home, the post wedding rituals are considered to be complete.
It is interesting to note how the Syrian Catholic community of Kerala, performs the various rites and rituals in their weddings. While most of the pre and post wedding events reflect their local ethnic culture, the mariage training course, the engagement ceremony and the wedding ceremony reflect their religious affinity. The intermixing of the traditional Indian customs of the Malayalee community and the religious customs of the Christian denomination, reflect how a non-native, minority religion has brought in a unique set of traditions, to a community of Indian people.
While it's absolutely clear that the depiction of Christian wedding in cinema is far from the real Indian Christian Weddings, the true essence of a Catholic wedding can only be felt through a lived experience. Next time you are invited to a Syrian Catholic wedding, you know exactly what to expect in their wedding events.
