The weddings in India are considered to be the most happening ones. All the members laugh and enjoy and dance till the lilt of the music ends. Everyone is so happy that even after working for hours and hours, they don’t get tired or exhausted. Now-a-days, the system of joint families has almost vanished. Each member of the clan is settled in different towns and even in different countries. But the weddings are such an occasion where it gets compulsory for all to arrive at a particular venue or at the house of the bride and groom itself.
The whole wedding festival is of 4-5 days and hence everyone gets ample amount of time to chill. While the entire program is fulfilled, there is a particular moment which leaves the bride’s party teary eyed. In India, according to the traditions the girl needs to leave her parental house after getting married. The house in which she was born and after spending all the years of her bachelorhood, she had to leave. This ritual is very emotional for the girl and her family. Let us now go in-depth of this custom and explore each and every aspect of it:
In the old times, when kings used to rule in India, they fought with each other in order to expand their territory. The king who won the war used to marry the daughter of the other as a sign of defeat. And in some cases even before the war, after seeing a very strong king approaching their kingdom with his troop, the less powerful one surrendered by giving their daughter as a gift, to establish a relationship, so that in the future these circumstances don’t occur again. The custom of ‘Vidai’ started from there. That time this ritual had its own importance and people used to follow it very rigidly. The princess once left her palace, mostly never looked back.
After taking the seven-rounds, i.e, the saat phere in front of the holy fire and the ritual of ‘Kanyadaan’, the bride finally proceeds towards ‘Vidai’. Firstly, the bride and groom sit together and a small prayer is performed by the priest, the hands of the bride are given to the groom again. The parents of the bride tell the groom to take care of the most precious jewel they are giving him. They expect him to treat her and pamper her in the same way as they have done till date.
Post this, the girl starts walking in order to leave, she throws puffed rice and some coins over her head and her mother or sister catches it from behind. The puffed rice signifies health while the coins are a symbol of Goddess Lakshmi, i.e, the goddess of wealth. So, this implies that by throwing these things back at her mother she is wishing that health and wealth may never leave her house. She prays to God to take care of her parents after she leaves.
With a heavy heart and teary eyes she hugs all her family members; they in turn embrace her and wish her luck for the future. Then gradually she moves towards the vehicle that can be anything a car, a boat, or a traditional doli. The brother or father of the bride push the car in which their sister or daughter is sitting with the groom. This symbolizes that they are pushing the bride towards happiness at her in-laws.
Talking about the type of conveyance, initially when the custom of ‘Vidai’ started, only ‘Doli’ was used as a medium because at that time the ladies were a symbol of pride and assumed to be sophisticated and delicate, so they were protected under veil. They never went out in open and that’s why to bring them to their palace after marrying, they used a decorated wooden ‘palki’ i.e a box like room. It was lifted by the royal sepoys. These days’ people use different fancy vehicles to leave for their laws house. The vintage car, classy rath, a simple decent boat, or an imperial doli all of these are trending in the recent period.
This custom is done just after the ‘saat-phere’ so often the brides wear the heavy bridal lehenga in it. But sometimes, after the pheras the couple go separate ways to their rooms and then in the morning the ‘Vidai’ ritual takes place. So, in this case the bride usually wears a yellow color banarasi saree or a lehenga sari in the place of proper lehenga. In some parts of Punjab brides wear salwar kameej instead of saree for the ‘vidai’.
The customs after vidai differ from community to community. When the bride arrives at the groom’s place, firstly the mother in law welcomes her by doing a small prayer at the doorstep. At some places the bride gently kicks the pot filled with rice with her right leg and then places her leg into a ‘thal’, i.e a big plate filled with red ‘kumkum’ water. She then walks into the house leaving a trail of her foot prints. The bride is believed to be Goddess Lakshmi for the family and along with her footsteps she is bringing the happiness and prosperity to the family.
While in some societies the bride is welcomed with a pot of water by the groom’s mother. She circles the pot three times over the head of her daughter-in-law and then gives it to her to drink. This shows that she has accepted her blessings completely. Different other ways of entering the house like passing on the baskets and putting a let on the ‘roti’ i.e. the chapatti, are observed across India.
Once the bride is in the house, various games are played by the couple. One such game is untying the knots; in this a sacred thread is tied with various knots on the hands of the bride and groom respectively. Then they are asked to untie this thread on each other’s hand, who so ever unties it the first, will be the winner and it is said that he/she will have the upper hand in the relationship.
Another game is finding the ring in a bowl filled with milk. The sister in law of the groom drops her ring in a bowl filled with milk and decorated with rose petals. Then the bride and groom both try to find it. It is believed that whoever wins this game will rule the house.
Lastly the festivities come to an end with the ritual of ‘mudikhai’, in this the bride sits under a veil and relatives, only ladies, come to see her. They lift up her veil and praise her. They also give her something.
‘Vidai’ is indeed the toughest part for the bride and her folks in an Indian wedding. This is the touchiest moment when almost every member of the family gets emotional and specially the heart of the mother and father crumbles with pain and despair. They just have hopes in their heart that their daughter may get all the happiness and joy in her life. They wish that she may receive so much love and care at her law’s house that she won’t miss them.
Back in time this ritual was a bit more painful than today because of the lack of communication and commutation medium. These days it is much easy for the girls to stay in touch with their folks. The social media have made it so convenient for the people to remain in connection and in addition to it the video calls give a real time experience. Moreover, with the help of flights you can easily fly to meet your parents anytime you want.
We should thank the technology for sure, because earlier, the brides gradually drifted apart from their own people. And even in the dark times when her family needed her the most then too she couldn’t travel at their place. So, the new age brides, you don’t need to worry about it. You can stay in touch with your family forever. You can keep the balance between both the houses as in today’s world daughters aren’t less than the sons. They can take care of their folks in the same way as a son does. Hence, going to a new place, at your husband’s home, doesn’t mean that you are ending the old relations, it just means you are adding some new ones!
