Recently, actress Alia Bhat was involved in a controversy because she questioned the concept of Kanyadaan in a recent advertisement by Manyavar Mohey. Mohey of the Manyavar house is tasked with defining women's ethnic clothing. The brand provides a variety of stunning Lehengas, beautiful Sarees, Suits, and Gowns while adhering to the basic principles of its parent brand, Manyavar. Mohey, like Manyavar, offers a collection for every event, culture, and location. One of Manyavar's recent commercials claimed the Hindu tradition of Kanyadaan to be regressive. It claimed that Kanyadaan is oppressive and rather than this, people should start following 'Kanyamaan'. According to them, the new concept of Kanyamaan will give the traditions a new and modern spin and respect the brides rather than giving them away.
After Manyavar Mohey released this advertisement, Twitter was flooded with several negative and positive comments. While some saw this as an advertisement questioning and portraying the reality of women and how they are treated even in the modern-day, there was also a section of people who saw this ad as an attack on Hindu wedding rituals by calling it regressive.
People tweeted 'Why only Hindus are targeted' 'Beti Paraya Dhan Hoti Hai, is a line that the Bollywood industry made popular'. Netizens were also seen questioning her intelligence by pointing out her Koffee with Karan interview where she said that Prithvi Raj Chauhan was the President of India. Some also called this advertisement manipulative and misleading.
But, there were also several positive tweets saying that this ad was more progressive than TV serials or films. There were also some tweets that said it was not the idea of Kanyadaan that was regressive, rather, it was the giving away of the daughter that was being considered regressive.
Indian weddings have a lot of rituals and all of them have certain significance to them and have been passed to the younger generations by older ones. Most of the rituals have been modified according to the changing times. Kanyadaan is one such tradition that has been debated upon a lot. While some people argue that the Kanyadaan means 'Kanya ka Daan', there are some people who argue that this ritual has nothing to do with ' Kanya ka Daan Karna', because a daughter is not a commodity to donate. Before diving further into this topic, let us first understand what Kanyadaan is, its history, how it takes place and when it takes place.
Kanyadaan is a Hindu wedding ritual that is said to date back to the 15th century, as indicated by many stone inscriptions discovered in the Vijayanagara Kingdom. Often this tradition is understood by people as the giving away of the 'girl' to the groom's family, but, according to the Hindu scriptures, this tradition entails giving up the Gotra of the Bride and adopting the Gotra of the Groom. The bride is considered to be the manifestation of the goddess Laxmi, while the groom is the manifestation of Lord Narayana. While everyone witnesses the ritual that is taking place, the parents of the bride and the groom carry out the union of the two 'Gods'. This Hindu wedding ritual is done to obtain approval from the Bride's parents before proceeding with the ceremony.
Several events described in the inscriptions demonstrate that bride price (a type of ritual in which the husband gives money or goods to the bride) was widely practised during ancient weddings. To combat the pandemic of bride price, a community group of Brahmins developed social legislation to adopt the Kanyadaan marriage system for their society. It was ordered that no money be paid or received during the marriage, and those who did not comply would face a penalty from the King. The inscriptions above also reaffirm that a system of social legislation among community groups was extensively used as opposed to personal rules based on religious scriptures.
The ceremony of Kanyadaan takes place after the Jaimala. The bride's father takes his daughter's right hand and places it in the right hand of the groom, asking that the groom accept the bride as an equal partner. After joining the two hands, the mother of the bride pours holy water on the palm of her husband's hands, enabling it to run through his fingers onto his daughter's hand and eventually onto the groom's hand as well. During this process, holy words are recited, and the curtain separating the pair is lowered once the Kanyadaan ritual has been completed.
Even though there have been no mentions about Kanyadaan in the Vedas or the Upanishads, we can find mentions of the Kanyadaan in the Manusmritis' Verses 3.29 and 3.35. According to the folklore, Prajapati Daksh (Son of Lord Brahma) was the first person ever who did the Kanyadaan of his daughters.
In the feminist discourse, the Kanyadaan is considered to be a patriarchal ritual. Let us understand how. According to the feminist understanding of the ritual, Kanyadaan is one of those traditions which tries to prove that women are inferior to men; and it is one of those rituals that contributes the most to the objectification of women. There have been arguments that the literal meaning of the word Daan is to donate or do charity. There also have been arguments that many rituals and traditions have wanted the woman to be dependent on her husband or the male members of her family. And because of this, several traditions have been called out to be sexist, derogatory and objectifying of females. It is argued that the traditions need to change according to the changing times. Several times questions have been raised such as 'is a girl a commodity that can be donated? Or why does only she have to wear a mangalsutra, etc?
Following a similar thought process, Actress Dia Mirza, who got married to Businessman Vaibhav Rekhi too took a stand against rituals that appear to be patriarchal. Dia took a progressive stand and established some momentous goals for the millennials to incorporate in their wedding. She called a priestess to conduct the wedding and denied following the tradition of Kanyadaan and Bidai saying that the change comes from the choices we make. Even in this century where divorce and second marriages are considered to be taboo or something to be ashamed of, Dia walked down the aisle with Vaibhav Rekhi's daughter from his former marriage.
In contrast to the feminist discourse, there are several people who consider the Kanyadaan to be a very important ritual and tradition that holds a notable significance. Some people believe that Kanyadaan is a Sanskrit word and there is no equivalent word of it in Hindi or in English so the word 'Daan' cannot be linked and has no relation with the words charity and offerings. Several people have also raised questions regarding the fact that why does no one get offended when in a Christian wedding the father gives away the bride, but get offended when in Hindu ceremony the parents of the bride perform Kanyadaan?
"According to the original scriptures, Kanyadaan was always a moral concept, versus the tone it has today. It was about the groom publically accepting the bride and making a promise to respect her and treat her equal in all manners," says the priestess, Dr Manisha Shette of Jnana Prabodini, Pune, who has been performing priesthood for the last 13 years and also trains the aspiring priests. She also said "But originally, Kanyadaan revolved around the concept of acceptance. The parents of the bride ask the husband to promise (that) the family will respect, love and care for the girl like their own."
There have been a few theories that have suggested 'Kanyadaan = Kanya + Aadaan' and Aadaan means acceptance. And because of this, there are several other people who believe that this ritual is about the groom accepting the lady as his wife rather than her father giving her away or trading her off. Certain beliefs also say that Kanyadaan helps the parents of the bride attain moksha if they perform this ritual because then it will wash away all their sins and help them go to Swarg. The ritual of Kanyadaan is not necessarily performed by the bride's parents. If they are not present at the wedding, then the elder brother and sister-in-law or any elder sibling/cousin who is married are eligible to perform the Kanyadaan of the bride.
Maybe it is the etymology or the direct meaning of the term Kanyadaan that is offensive to people because at its core it might be patriarchal, but the idea behind it may or may not necessarily be derogatory. Earlier the responsibility of a woman was transferred from her father to her husband because in those days women were not very well educated so they had to be dependent on the males of their family. Before marriage, it could be her father and her brother and after marriage, it could be her husband or her son. So, her father used to transfer the responsibility of his daughter from himself to his Son-in-law in this Kanyadaan ritual. But the times have changed now, women are equally educated and earning on their own so they are not dependent on the male members of the family, be it before or after their marriage.
While we traverse the negative connotations of the term Kanyadaan, we must also consider the shifting dynamics of gender roles in our society. In present times, marriage is an institution between a couple who is equally capable, responsible and independent enough that the two can build a better future for themselves. We need to discover methods to reinterpret current traditions so that they reflect today's reality rather than merely following customs set in an age whose culture we no longer follow. Before we create an impression of Kanyadaan as a ceremony which many people think is donating their daughters, we should examine ourselves! Is it true that we are giving women the equal position in a marriage that they deserve, or are we merely striving to modify the term's etymological meaning? Fighting the ritual will not lead to significant changes if we do not consistently practise gender parity in other parts of our lives. So, rather than opposing the nitty-gritty of just a custom, let us challenge the philosophy and ideas we hold about the role of our daughters and women in society.
